There was not one second to breathe yesterday.
There was a train stuck in the tunnel that caused major delays; it took me nearly three hours to get from my house to the upper east side where my tutoring appointments were. Then, it took an hour and forty minutes to get home, for a meeting at 4:30 and dinner plans at 6.
Rich and I had barely said hello to each other since we got home.
As bizarre as it is to admit, part of me is proud of the busy-ness that ordinarily consumes my life. It wards away the guilt of being still- idle. Idle hands…….
Whenever I find myself with just a little bit of time to myself, I make sure to fill it up with things to do for someone else so I do not feel……LAZY.
I cannot imagine a worse name to be called than Lazy. Even, if its just me calling myself the word. Inappropriately.
You just had an aha moment, didn’t you.
Why does this woman always talk about being a daughter of the King, and His grace and goodness? Doesn’t she get it already?
Nope. No. I’m the worst grace student there is.
Because being busy means I’m WORKING and the WORK makes me not LAZY, thusly, deserving of good things because I EARNED them.
You’re going to pray for me now, aren’t you.
I have been walking out this Jesus life thing since I was 16 and I still catch myself trying to earn Christ’s affection. Every day. Earn my station. Earn my “pay”. Not be lazy. If you’re lazy, you don’t deserve good things.
I have a problem, clearly.
But this is my year to change that. To believe in God’s provision first, before filling up my schedule with impossible to keep appointments that may pay the bills, but puts stress on myself and my family.
To pray first, then act- not out of fear but in trust.
To really get the whole “sabbath” thing. And, like, do it.
To understand what it means to put your own family first, and then actually do that- which means moving others off of the tippy top priority list sometimes.
To carve out some time for myself- to take a class, read a book, see a friend, take a break and not feeling guilty about it.
How do you pair down the, “busy”?
Make family time?
Not feel lazy or guilty?
Remember who you are in Christ, every day?
Feel free to share rituals, routines, schedule shifts or anything you’ve down to modify the “busy” that seems to take over.