>I have not left my couch since Thursday evening. You could make a mold of my butt from the deep indentation. You’d also probably be able to tell what I’ve eaten over the last few days by the conspicuous cracker crumbs, tea stains, melted chocolate pieces and flecks of spinach littering the throw pillow. This is so very unlike me and normally, this confession would make my cheeks burn with embarrassment over the state of my crumbling household. However, when I was warned that pregnancy changes a person I didn’t quite grasp the enormity of the situation. Not until now.
I am, officially, 14 weeks pregnant. The last time we spoke, I believe I was outlining parts of the grieving process that follow a miscarriage. I was amazed by God’s goodness and that of his people during that time. Rich and I were able to recover so well from that experience, and then were even more surprised to discover that we were pregnant yet again directly after the loss of our first. It was truly a reminder that He brings beauty from ashes, joy from mourning. However, through all of that, each pregnancy is different and thus began our journey with this little sprinkle… (the nickname given after discovering it was roughly the size of an ice cream jimmy when we realized we were pregnant once again).
Let me begin by saying that yes, we are excited but it took quite some time for the shock to wear off. And then, the sickness came. And left for a week. And then came back worse than before. Have you ever taught a room full of teenagers while trying to suppress the urge to vomit in the nearest garbage can? Every day? Or having to deal with the feelings of worthlessness when I can’t do all of the things I used to enjoy, like make a simple meal for my husband. Go see a friend. Read. (Fine print makes me nauseous. Awesome.) It’s been more than just a little adjusting on both of our parts.
I’m hoping during this next phase of pregnancy I’ll get to experience the beauty, the joy and the energy that’s supposed to decorate the second trimester. Until then, I’ll continue my toast and ramen noodle routine (with the occasional steak, cocktail shrimp, mashed potatoes and sauteed spinach I seem to crave when my face isn’t in the toilet) and wait patiently for a better tomorrow.