>I must be off my rocker. I spend a great deal more than half of my day in a place where it is impossible for me to use the bathroom when the need arises, where a coffee cup is one of the first signs of insubordination and where “Salud” has taken the place of “God Bless You” for fear one of my Muslim students might take my politically incorrect ass to court. After all of that, fighting off screaming kids in stupid holiday dresses with pins that light up and sing “We Wish You A Merry Christmas”lined up to meet Santa at the mall, dropping an incredibly over-due check off at the dentist’s office in hopes he’ll take pity on our pathetic souls during the holiday season, trying desperately to manuever our Hulk of a tree that has clearly claimed the dining room territory for it’s own, all the while juggling papers my students have written over a week and a half ago that I haven’t even breathed on- only to stare down an application for Graduate school.
Don’t I complain about having to be in school ever day????? I want to now PAY to go there? Again? As I said, I must be off my rocker. A few more than a few screws are loose. Please insert yet another terribly cliche saying here_________________________________.
It wasn’t that long ago that graduating from High School was seen as an incredible accomplishment. You could go far with a diploma. Then, all the emphasis was placed on four year colleges. Without a bachelor’s degree, you were one step closer to getting acquainted with burgers and fries or Mailboxs Etc. Now, a B.A. is a dime a dozen and the real winners are the ones with cool adendems at the end of their names. What the hell? The world’s view is so complicated. It’s not enough to just go back, you must go back for some “higher” purpose-generally, wealth or status. Where’s the redemption in acquiring an M.A. in Studies of Indigineous Tribes and Their Cultural Holiday Practices?” I’m quietly, but defiantly, murmuring my reply.
Learning is awesome. On some level in order to be even a half-way decent teacher, I have to believe that. Learning what you love to learn, however, is unparelleled. That’s why, after smelling like erasers and cafeteria sloppy joes all day, I can come home and still approach an application to Grad School with wide eyes and a frantically beating heart. I could get an M.A. in bread baking, did you know that? I could go back and set myself up to be tri-lingual- (how do you like me now, U.N.?) I could primarily study voice and actually accrue a degree as a Vocalist-tell me thats not the coolest thing you’ve ever heard. I could get an M.F.A. in writing kids stories…yessss…
I love that as I get older, I get more comfortable in the skin God placed me in. I love that as I get older I’m able to grasp more firmly that my identity is in Christ, not in what the world has to say about me, so I can go ahead and study those Indigineous tribes I was talking about. I am free to be who I was created to be. Grad school is just another avenue in my crazy life where I can reclaim what I’ve given away. My decision will not be based on someone’s expectations nor anyone’s belief in what I “should” be doing. If I’m going back to be a baker, I’ll be a damn good baker-even if I don’t make one red cent off of a honey-cinnamon-raisin loaf (though, seriously, they’re so good I’d buy one from myself). If I’m going back to be a writer, I’m going to enjoy every second of assessing, analyzing and spinning tales that will change my life-if not anyone elses. If I’m going back to be a singer- heaven help anything that stands in my way. This time, whatever I go back for, it’ll be something I love, not what might pay the bills or allow me to add some cool suffix to my name plate. I already have my identity and my security in Jesus….the rest is gravy.