>Indecisive-less

>I have a problem. I’m not sure how big of a problem it is, or if, in fact, it is a problem at all. Even in that example shines the very essence of my problem. I am indecisive. I’m more than indecisive. I am maddening. Ask my husband.

I wake up in a cold sweat exactly six minutes before my alarm goes off every morning. I squeeze my eyes tighter as I wait for the rain of assailing questions. What will I wear today? Pants suit or black skirt? Eggs or cereal? Do I even have time for breakfast? Coffee before shower or shower before coffee? Peanut butter or tuna for lunch? Trust me, it doesn’t end there. My indecisiveness has permeated every part of life from my majors in college ( yes, majors- I went from Music to Psych back to Music to Communications to graduating with an English degree) to the restaurant my husband told me to pick for our night out. Ethiopian or Thai? Italian. Italian’s always safe. Unless…

Of course, I realize that my indecisiveness has a ceiling. I mean, I married after all. I had to decide on that. I choose the new car we drive without hesitation. I hands down know that I can’t wear pink without a tan. So, why doesn’t that part of me drift over into the other, more annoying part?

For several reasons, I believe. I tend to take the saying, ” If you say yes to something, you’re saying no to something else” quite seriously. And I am not a say-no-er. I hate to say no. To anything. (Unless it’s directly related to physical activity. ) If I commit to taking French lessons, then I certainly can’t take Portuguese. If I invest more practice time on the guitar, I won’t have any time for the piano. If I say yes to the lunch date with a friend, I am a bad wife for not staying home to clean my disaster of a house. And so on. The second reason being, the typical people-pleaser answer. I’ve spent my life conceding to the desires of others, I’m not really sure I even know what I want. And, if I don’t know what I want, how can I possibly make a decision?

So, be patient with me, friends, if I’m hesitant in suggesting a coffee house in which to meet. Or if I can’t even decide what time would be best. I’m learning how to weigh the options and actually choose (that’s the dead air on the phone, in case you ever wondered). I am taking all kinds of new steps in this new season of life. Indecisive-less, here I come!

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One thought on “>Indecisive-less

  1. >I, too, am very indecisive. One big lesson I’ve been learning from motherhood is “don’t think, just act”. When you reach your breaking point, you realize your indecisiveness is simply fear of failure, at least that’s what I think it is for me. Oh, and I am so obsessed with My So-Called Life! It’s been my sanity lately. Today I said to Jamie how I wish the characters could be part of my life. I just love them so much! 🙂 You should come over and watch an episode or two with me!

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